Let's go to Church!

They're Back! Those Wonderful Church Bulletins!

> Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services
> (Summer, 2007 Release).
>
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> The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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> The sermon this morning "Jesus Walks on Water." The sermon tonight "Searching for Jesus."
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> Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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> Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
> those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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> The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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> Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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> Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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> Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving
> obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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> For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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> Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
> help they can get.
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> The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."
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> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
> church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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> A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
> Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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> Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
> several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
> recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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> Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
> person you want remembered.
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> The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
> gracious hostility.
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> Potluck supper Sunday at 500 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may
> be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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> This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
> from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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> Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
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> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
> lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
> Please use the back door.
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> The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
> Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
> Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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> The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
> slogan Last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"