You Know Your Italian When....

You REALLY know you're Italian when........
You're a 5'4" male, can bench-press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, and still cry when your mother yells at you.
You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit 2 mortadella "sangwiches", 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular paper lunch bag.
Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a '76 black Mercury.
Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, tailor, barber, accountant and travel agent all have "THE" in their name. ie: (Sam "the" electrician or Pete The Barber)
You consider dunking a pack of Stella D'Oro "S" cookies in milk as a nutritious breakfast.
You live in a 900 square foot bungalow, but still have 2 kitchens (one in the basement).
Your 2 best friends are your cousin and your brother-in-law's brother-in-law.
You are a VIP at more than 4 after hours clubs.
You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or street. All 5 of these cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.
A high school diploma and 1 year of community college has earned you the title of "professor" among your aunts.
You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.
You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.
If someone in your family grows beyond 5'9", it is presumed his mother had an affair.
There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.
You netted more than $50,000 at your First Communion.